So yesterday sorta didn't happen. And neither did last Wednesday. Yesterday I got to the post office to mail Zack's birthday present, and discovered they are no longer open on Saturdays, which provides a clue as to how often I go to the post office. I came home from that, unaware of being more than mildly upset, took a nap, and it seems like after my body got up from the nap, I never got back up with it. Wednesday was supposed to have started with me making my JwJ Phone Tree calls, and I don't know why or even if I might find that stressful, but it never got done and neither did anything else 'til Brian picked me up to go to his house for the holiday.
I cannot express with sufficient emphasis how annoyed I am with this phenomenon. Despite the damaged-and-partly-repaired pump, I *like* this body, and if it's up and doing things I want to be with it and direct those things. And I have things I want to be doing.
So today I want to make those missing calls, arrange for travel to Redondo Beach and an AirB&B while I'm there, start scanning the web for interesting things to do with Dad while I'm there, and then do the JO site walkthrough, which is stressful but at least I know *why* it is stressful. Bonus points if I can figure out where the Fireman story is going next. First, tho', to the grocery store as I'm out of salsa for my morning grain stew.
I have no clue why those "out of body experience" people are so excited. The trick is staying *inside* the body.
I get days like this last one every now and again, and I <lj-cut text="really, really hate 'em."> really, really hate 'em. I know what I want to do, I know why I want to do it, and I can't focus on it and instead spend my time in fantasy -- either rewriting my life or imagining fantastic futures of the impossible/magical variety. The stuff I want to be doing is *realistic* fantasy -- future visions I can cause to become reality. I can't make magical faeries that grant wishes, so that doesn't fit the bill. And the time machine doesn't work either.
So I can't get a do-over on today; it's gone. I can get up tomorrow and get done all the stuff I had been intending to get done today. Starting with finishing the Projects page, and then writing up all the little bits Grant'd catalogued for me in email. And calling Gabe again and see if I can get him involved with doing an artistic brainstorm for the Art section. And doing my follow-up calls from the weekend, and also taking care of the mundania of doing my INR blood test and two meetings of different teams from the Global Justice committee. That's a not unreasonable day; I can do that. Assuming I can crawl back over the event-horizon of my navel. Much like we don't really understand gravity, I don't really know how I end up in there in the first place, or what's attractive about it. (I do at least keep the lint-levels down, but that only explains why it's not unpleasant, not why it's attractive.)
What I'm doing is in Hebrew called "Tikkun Olam"; the usual translation of which is "healing the world." (Literally, closer to "Repair Everything," Hebrew's weird.) I don't really do it because I want to, I do it because I'm intimately familiar with my connections with the rest of the Universe and I need to make it better. Fixing environmental catastrophe feels to me like splinting my own busted ankle, tho' the only time that happened in real life I had a doctor do it for me. I'm fine with delegation, but while I could find a doc who did a better splint than I could, I don't see enough people around doing well at planet-fixing. So, me.
But planet fixing doesn't get me laid, or loved, or even fed and housed. My last fantasizing resulted in the Busy House Polyclan, which ran from '89 to '03 and also involved me being the leader of TriState Polyamory, and being able to do things like invite 3 dozen polyfolk over to my house for a holiday dinner. Maybe doing this work will help me make enough friends to start a new poly-family, but when I built the last one I was younger, cuter, a lot richer and conventionally "successful", and had already put ten years into building a model marriage, tho' my ex's narcissism wasn't something I'd acknowledged or coped with yet. But I could point to a very successful woman who believed in me, and that's what convinced a lot of other folk that maybe they should give it a shot also.
And I suspect that's why I end up in fantasy-land; I'm dreaming up time-streams where I get something out of it personally. One of the elements of my birth culture that I had already deeply internalized by age 3 was that we can get by on closer to nothing than any other critter ever evolved. This works, kinda, but it works by surrendering desire rather than by satiating it. "Oh, I can't afford that. Guess I don't get one, then." And life is about fulfilling desire, not surrendering it.
I'm about halfway through a stein of hyacinth tea, which my friend James from FNB turned me onto and which is available at Winco for about $5/lb. bulk. (And a pound of tea is a *lot* of tea.) After that, I go to bed. I don't know if that will have me in fantasy-land again; as I've said before, when my head hits the pillow the world goes blank and I wake up in the morning. But when I do wake up, I want my fantasy-generator to be secure in the idea that I will again build a big loving family, and have toddlers to play with, and live in my own nice house, and write life-guiding fables for my older offspring. (Any child of the family is a child of mine; I don't need to actually sire any, tho' that's fun too and my genes are proven good.)
I'd *love* for all of that to become real. But that's not required, as long as I can build a coherent and detailed enough dream of it to live in I can continue working towards it, and the work is the thing.
I finally got in touch with Dad. As predicted, he had no idea that his phone was misbehaving, or why. He's going to call Verizon tomorrow morning to try to work it out; he's still not up on the idea that the modern business world runs 24/7. That last is OK; I can deal with it.
And I sent a brief note to Zack, suggesting we reassume a speaking relationship. We'll see how that goes.
I think I'm making good progress with Grant on getting the Oregon Justice Democrats website up. Once it's up, we can use it as a test-platform for developing a Positive Proxy application and the Citizenry-building project. I've just made contact with RepresentUs; we'll see where that goes, also.
Does anybody remember the name of the mythological Greek guy to whom the gods granted eternal life, but *not* eternal youth?
A very good yesterday -- counseling appointment, met with a new candidate (and suggested he put that off for a couple of years), phone banking for Albert, and a DSA-For-Bernie meeting. Today, much less -- an oncology appointment (very slight chance I might have something, so they want to check), a blood test, and more phoning-for-Albert.
My thoughts, however, are on v3 of Metaculture. It has forked; I need to do one version for CES and one version for Sunrise. So I'm hoping for time between oncology and Albert to thoroughly study the CES website, and if time further permits read over all my own stuff to make sure I know how I started and where I am before I take a swing at finishing it off.
Still having trouble making exercise happen; maybe move it to evenings? I dunno. Do need to make it happen, tho'.
Back when I was working on the LAMI tall ships, I was often running the galley. It was common for five of us to be working there, with about 4x6 feet of floor space, and not bumping into each other and getting along fine. My current housemate, OTOH, seems to be capable of filling our 10'x10' kitchen to capacity all by himself. We have four counter work-spaces, the sink, and the stove, and he can come in to get a cup of coffee and have all six locations filled to capacity; I have no clue how he does it. I've learned to just leave the kitchen 'til he's done, as nothing's going to get done while he's there anyway.
Portland doesn't have a tall ship. It'd be nice to do something about that. I'm kinda overbooked as it is, tho'.
So yesterday I put in a few real useful hours (wrote up a new project proposal, sent letter to Portland Forward with 8 proposals attached) at the start of the day, and then turned into a potato. A friend suggested I needed to do this, which is possible, but when I try to figure out 'why?' it engages the rationalization engine and I can't get any useful answers. Maybe I was physically tired from moving all the storage bins the day before. Maybe I was emotionally tired from sorting through old stuff. Maybe all the medical testing has been getting me down--I go see Yet Another Specialist in a couple of weeks, to rule out a miniscule probability I have something Really Awful. (Some blood test was high twice, and then normal. The regular doc was guessing what that meant as much as I was.)
So, I had a flat day, put it aside and have a better one. I'm going to go back to bed as soon as I'm done both here and with daily scrum with Zack, because five hours sleep last night isn't enough. (five hours often is, but not now.) So, out of bed maybe eightish, breakfast and meds, exercise and shower, brush teeth, dress and get to work. I'm still looking for another environmentally-centered project proposal; Jules of Cascadia Commons had said she had an idea and would email it to me. Not received yet; give her a noodge. Write up the shellfish-farm proposal. Find contact data for Sunrise and Wayfinding and use it. Write Sonny at Renew. Go to the Center for Bio Diversity's Wolf event. Stop, that's enough.
So today I went up to Rainier and unloaded my trailer while Brian screwed things to the roof. Got everything out, and then Brian came down off the roof and did most of the work of nailing up a couple of sheets of masonite board to the roof, holding the insulation panels in place. Original intent was to also do the front wall and front sides, but we ran out of steam, repacked everything not sorted to the garbage back into the trailer, and called it a day.
Given yesterday's urology appointment, I wore a diaper, but as we were working on Brian's farm, I could pee on a bush at need, so I didn't have to spend the day in a soggy diaper. Bladder control is back up to about a one-minute warning, which isn't real good, but I'll take any improvement I can get.
Next time in Rainier, help Brian finish screwing down the flashing on the roof -- about half done right now, but sufficient to keep things dry inside when it rains tomorrow -- unload it again, seal the four rat-entrances at the front with steel wool and expanding foam, insulate and Masonite the front and front sides, and load it all back up again.
Most immediately, write back to Julia at Portland Forward, noodge Isabela and Samantha at NextUp, write up my two new project plans, and find out who to contact at Sunrise and Wayfinding and do so. My contact at Renew is Sonny Mehta, but until I have the two new plans done I don't have anything to say that he'd be interested in hearing.
I was hoping to have enough energy to shower before falling over, but it ain't happening. G'night.
Today started with a urology appointment. I have decided that I do not like having cameras shoved up my dick, no matter how tiny they are. This likely generalizes to shoving things up my dick in general, but I do not desire to perform the experiment to find out.
The cardiology appointment which followed was routine, and I went from there to the Indivisible weekly protest outside Sen. Wyden and Rep. Blumenauer's offices. That turned out to be a waste of time; same old people doing same old stuff -- only they've been doing it long enough now that the news stations have started to notice it, I saw 3 professional cameras in evidence. So I left to get lunch at the nearby mall, and somewhere in there my body figured out it had been insulted and I lost bladder control and started peeing blood. Fortunately, I made it to a bathroom on time -- this time.
Foolishly, I decided to continue on my Good Samaritan errand, and went to Megan's house to check out the mess her suddenly-departing husband had left of their mid-renovation kitchen. I'd stopped peeing blood at this point, but bladder control had not returned, and I peed myself twice en route. Got done with that, got home, put clothes in laundry, and spent the rest of the afternoon peeing a painful quarter-cup every five minutes or so.
We already knew my prostate was enlarged, and as a result of the camera-poking we have determined that my urinary system is otherwise fine. Yay. Still, ow.
Tomorrow I go up to Brian's for another round of work on the trailer -- probably wearing Depends while so doing. TWo or three steps to finish the roof and be done with that part, and I also want to get everything *out* of the trailer and inventoried, and put in the insulation on the front part and roof and nail plywood over it to seal it in. For bonus points, install the second window. Window or not, then repack the trailer with everything I'm not throwing away, and back to Portland. That's probably going to end up being two days work. I also want to get my response off to Julia at Portland Forward, and continue researching Sunrise, Wayfinding, and Renew. Also continue writing Iron Fireman, detailing his neglect by his namesake and his turn to NextUp to become the VoteBot.
So after two great days in a row, today was a flop. Got the weekly done with the boys, and I did have enough sense to stay in out of the heat, at least. I was hoping to edit all my papers, and with luck remember the 8th subject I'd come up with and lost, but didn't remember #8 and upon reading the existing 7 didn't find the lacunae I had been expecting to fill. And then it took me six hours to figure out that I was stuck and move on to something else.
So far I've located 3 other organizations with youth-related foci: Sunrise, Renew Oregon, and the Wayfinding Academy. (NextUp and Portland Forward were already on the list.) Sunrise and Renew are both heavily climate-oriented, and none of my ideas so far have been both climate-centered and human-scaled. So I should come up with one. Or a few.
The two most immediate would be bikes and public transit. If we could make operating cars in the City more expensive, that would a.) provide funds and b.) discourage car use and thus encourage any other form of transit. My first idea is raising the rates on parking meters combined with increasing the taxes on for-profit parking spaces, such as parking garages. Extending metered parking to more areas such as the inner East side should also be part of that. That should go along with specific recommendations for how to use the funds to improve bike and other nonmotorized transport.
We have hordes of those electric rent-a-scooters sitting around also. I do wonder what's going to happen with them when some of the companies providing them go bankrupt, which is I suspect inevitable.
So yesterday I started by writing and sending off a couple of difficult contact letters to organizations that are now making loud claims about doing what I've been doing for years -- "We should really talk" letters. I also hung up the robot suit from last night, and made several necessary phone calls. Then I got a haircut and went to volunteer at a NextUp -- ex-Bus Project -- canvassing, and met two high schoolers, one named Giuseppe and the other whose name I didn't retain. The three of us have an as-yet unscheduled breakfast date.
The structure of what I want to create is a Program Support Office. It would be useful to name the program it's supporting, but I haven't done that yet and I'm not sure I should -- maybe I should let Giuseppe name it, or one of his cohort. There's only one key difference between a PSO and a Program Management Office like I set up at Bowne or Novix -- no command authority. I'll get back to that later. For a working name, let's call it the Metaculture Program. I have six project proposals for it, which are in writing but in bad need of editing, which is on today's list. Those are Citizenry, Positive Proxy, Arcology, Cascadia/Steampunk Synthesis, oh-damn-I-forgot-one, and Metaculture.
There are three other organizations I've identified so far which are also doing the same thing, for which I need to find contacts and send "we should talk" letters. Also on today's list. Even without the mundane tasks of weekly scrum and getting some exercise, that's a hell of a list. And I'm feeling really good about it and want to get moving on it. Daily scrum with Zack in fifteen minutes, then I can get back to work. Yay!