April 6th, 2004

From L.A.

Lesson #1: Post first, *then* read. Else nothing gets posted.

After getting over jet lag, things were still slow here. Nobody leading. The grandparents have been bitten by the boys enough that they're only willing to make suggestions, not plans, and I'm still cowed by the thicket of habits and customs *they* have in place. The boys are happy enough to amuse themselves with the various forms of electronic entertainment available, and see no need to make any other plans.

I'll see if I can do a better job of making contact today.

(no subject)

Okay. So I've been in crisis and my parents have been offering help -- every kind of help except what I need. They seem to be willing, but clueless; how can I clue them?

Right now I'm the Adult; my kids are the Kids, and my folks are the Retirees. I'm supposed to be making the decisions. My folks are also picky about their independence, so it's tough to make decisions *for* them unless they ask me to, which they haven't. The particular decision in question is how to help me. They're fine on giving me money, which provides more time to make decisions, but it's in making the decisions which I need help. *Their* decisions seem to be based on maintaining their comfortable retirement, which is a reasonable if not all-inclusive goal. All-inclusive goals are *my* job, as the Adult.

I'd worked out an okay immediate plan, based primarily on my link to my sons. (Daughters would be included if I had any; I don't.) I've been working with Zack on adjusting to Asperger's Syndrome for some years, so I worked out a plan involving going to grad school, getting a PhD in psych, and going commercial with the therapy I'd evolved for him using role-playing games as teaching tools for social skills. Not a bad plan, but it leaves out some parts of me. Problem for me: Are these parts of me to be addressed by *this* plan, or do I need to evolve separate-but-parallel plans?

The other aspect of planning is Gabe's entertainment career; he's been doing great at his dance lessons, but while he acknowledges the need for training in drama, music, and voice, I haven't done the homework for that stuff yet. I've done some work on the branching-out he needs to do in his physical training (which he also acknowledges and agrees with), but haven't challenged his mother on that. (She got all the money in the divorce and left me with all the debt, and refuses to pay for anything that doesn't directly and personally benefit her.)

So what's missing? What needs to be in all this *for me* for my id to buy in on it?

I'll put that off for my next post, as I'm tired of running into the LJ 4300 character limit.