May 22nd, 2004

I'm afraid of my nose

Sinus pain. Only at the annoyance level so far, but I remember all too well how paralyzing it can be. I'm hoping it doesn't incapacitate me for the day. One day wouldn't be all that bad, but I remember losing days on end to this, and I can't really afford to do that.

Oddly, it's the heart condition I feel *least* worried about. If I watch my diet and exercise it's likely to kill me eventually anyway, but not for some decades. If the sinuses go badly I could lose three days each week all summer. Not being able to do or look for work is bad enough, but in that kind of pain I can't *think*, either.

A part of the fear goes back to old childhood stuff; I got migraines from about age five through age forty, and the first fifteen years of that my mom thought I was using headaches as an excuse for malingering. She did take me to doctors, but the docs couldn't find anything organically wrong, so it must be an excuse, right? Unless I barfed, in which case it must be flu.

Feud with mom still ongoing, at least in the sense of no words exchanged. Bro' said he'd critique my letter to her this weekend, tell me how exactly he saw it as being out of line. I thought it was bending over backwards to be gentle, myself.

Okay; done whining. As long as I'm awake and the brain is still working, let's see if I can get it to do something useful.

(no subject)

Head still functioning; this "just checking" level of pain is distracting but bearable.

Got new power converter for the laptop. Had to pay for it; so much for the value of Apple's $250 extended warranty. "it broke!" "But you *used* it." Feh.

Got an unexpected message on the answering machine from my Dad; I'm about to call him back and see what's doing.