February 21st, 2005

(no subject)

Meeting with old friends was good, even though we met at what may well be the World's Noisiest Arcade. Zack bravely elected to try to stick it out without earplugs, which may be why he crashed at around 8:30pm and had to go to bed. He made a valiant attempt at retaining consciousness and trying to do something with it on the drive home; I don't know if it was successful even though I was the one he was talking to. Partially, I think.

So today I do housework, resume, lawyerly papers, and all the other Heavy Serious Shit I've been putting off all weekend. And it's snowing like a sumbitch, and my body is not happy with me.

Maybe I'll try for a bit more sleep, first. Talking would be better, but there's nobody conscious to talk to.

Two shabbos, no waiting

So today I've accomplished one load of laundry, buying a crate for the dog, and making dinner. No lawyerly papers written, no career-related jobs done, and tomorrow it's back to the salt mines. Why?

Not "Why am I going to work tomorrow;" I've got kids to feed. That part's easy. Why haven't I written useful stuff today, or the first draft of the Great American Novel, or catalogued the family library?

I could make excuses. Or invent reasons. I'm good at explaining things. But *I* don't *know*, and it's *me* doing it!

Driving Gabe over to his mom's house so he could pick up his laptop, I had a sudden inspiration and tried to explain to him the few virtues of my current boss. In particular, as the business owner, she works as fast and hard as she can, when she deigns to work. (A lot of "work time" gets spent doing non-work, which is of course also her prerogative.) She does so because all the work is money in her pocket. Whereas for the rest of us, work is *also* money in *her* pocket. I was trying to get Gabe to help me figure out how to make the work *his*, and not the school's, so he would feel ownership of it and want to get it done.

So maybe I should be applying that same logic to myself. I can make plans just fine, but how can I take ownership of my own plans? Where do I find the switch in my brain, and how do I flip it?