February 28th, 2005

(no subject)

My computer is making funny noises. I'll take it to the shop tonight, or possibly tomorrow. It bugs me a bit how reliant I am on it, but that's how life works at the moment.

Still dreading encounter with bosslady later today. Can't do much more about it. I do wonder why I dread it so much; maybe there's something to my Mom's idea that Mom yelling too much when I was a kid had that effect. I don't know that I can *do* anything with that information, but it'd be nice to know.

Up early for the last time?

Maybe after I'm shut of this job I'll be able to sleep at night. The insomnnia actually dates from my divorce, so I don't really think so, but the removal of the job stress might be sufficient so I can sleep.

Anyone who feels like calling between now and 9am EST feel free; 914-374-8142. I may be on the phone with the Labor Board or the IRS, but I'll try to answer everybody.

Not quitting is a problem I have, so I'll be going into work and confronting the powerful bully. In typical Aspergers fashion, I expect to get my head handed to me, because I'm lawful and she isn't. My gut is telling me "Don't go; just quit by not showing up." I couldn't do that in my marriage and I can't do it here, which is probably a weakness on my part.

In the meantime, since today I don't *want* to be in the office before 9am, I'll be luxuriating at home until 7:30am.

The fantasy about being Stage-Dad is lovely, but unless and until a lot of improbable things happen it's a fantasy, and working for abusive bullies is the reality.

Priorities

I'll get back to commenting on the previous [and mostly filtered] issues later. Right now I have an hour to go before I can leave, and I'm back on Priorities, specifically: How to channel my energy into my own priorities: Hunting for a better job, getting Gabe's career started, teaching Zack, and getting back into my own research. This job is a tremendous distraction. Some other time I can get into if I chose to accept it knowing that to be the case, or if I just need to work on keeping better focus.

Right now I need to do an hour's worth of work.