March 7th, 2005

(no subject)

Swiped, snaffled & snurched from an entire orgy of people...

If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?

(no subject)

So I got some sleep, had a good listen with bnymph at 2am (This time it was mostly her blabbing and me listening, rather than the other way round), and Gabe volunteered to go to the Y and work out with me. I have two very good sons.

When we got to the Y, they wouldn't let him in the exercise room because he's not fifteen yet. So we left, and went for what was theoretically a run, instead. And then came back and made pancakes.

I do teriffic pancakes; this batch were rye/whole wheat with yogurt and lemon juice. Light fluffy texture, and ONE fills you up. While I was doing this, though, both boys disappeared upstairs, and only came down in time to tell me they were late getting out the door. We had a brief talk about communications, and how I can't know things without being told; then I fed them and shoved 'em out the door.

And then I came and read two LJ entries, one from odanu about hospital funding, and one from wolfger about the inverse relationship betwen security and a polite society. This got a good funk started.

And then a phone call from Ben, who is in D.C. today, detailing that crazybosslady still isn't convinced I've been officially heard from. So I have to write and send her a registered letter detailing my understanding of the situation. And I need to deal with my divorce attorney on the child support issue. And I have to get up a resume and start pounding pavement. On the positive side, Ben has me submitted for two different jobs, either of which I can do.

And I need to *not* hide under the bed and cuddle the dog. I can briefly cuddle the dog, then I have to get to work.

(no subject)

lark_ascending quotes a Wired article, starting:

"Egocasting is by definition a self-centered activity. Using music to shelter you from external stimuli and letting TiVo figure out what you want to watch are two ways to protect yourself from the avalanche of information that threatens to bury you every day..."

I'd been having talks with Zack about maintaining awareness of one's environment; if he's at all preoccupied he can get lost crossing a suburban street, with the danger of stopping in the middle to figure out where he is and possibly becoming an accident statistic. If he wants to live in New York City he'll have to learn new habits.

But the quote above does have a legitimate point: We are so awash in information it's hard to figure out what needs me, or him, to make a decision about it and what is just noise.

I've long held that this is what having a community is for, and developed fantasy structures for what such a community might be like. If I have friends around with whom I can confirm consensus that the mainstream *is* in fact crazy, I can then take that as given and go on to working out how to deal with the existent environmental insanity, rather than identifying with it and trying to heal something too big for me to handle.

One of my favorite Spider quotes: "If you try to split an apple five hundred ways, nobody benefits. Especially not the apple."

As the apple in question, I need to be more selfish and conserve myself better.

Next question: *HOW*?

(no subject)

So: I keep getting distracted. Example: Odanu's post about the effects of budget cuts on VA hospitals in Virgina. It *does* have direct relevance to what I want to do, in that I could end up investing five years in a PhD that turns out to be unmarketable when I get out of school. And it ties in with my greater social fears about living in the Fourth Reich, which I recognize as being something I don't have a clue as to what constructive action I might take about.

Am I to lose another morning, thinking about this?

This is a software problem in my brain. I need better filters, a way to keep myself focused on action I *can take*. Trying to dismiss the other concerns as "wrong" or "irrelevant" doesn't work, because they're *not* wrong and they *are* relevant. But they should be out of my focus. Put on a Happy Face! It might be needful.

And my Dad is my main available source of advice, and he's hardware-biased. Saying "focus better" is a nice *description* of a solution, but it is *not* a *solution*.

And I also recognize that if I don't start focusing my posts here better, I'll start losing my readership, and get fewer of the pings I use to keep myself on track. Great, more pressure; just what I needed.

If I wrap the curve any tighter I'll disappear into my own navel, so I must stop now.