March 17th, 2009

(no subject)

So kindredsgirl and I had a three hour discussion last night about what was (depending on interpretation) somewhere between five seconds and twenty minutes of behavior Sunday afternoon. The underlying issue was one of context; interpreting this five seconds as being five seconds, or interpreting it as being the summation of the previous ten or twenty minutes. Of course there's more to it; I'm trying to summarise enough to move on.

Some folks had recommended we read NVC books and use NVC techniques, and while I've ordered the books on an "Okay, you recommended this and so I'll give it a shot" basis, my experience with their technique from previous exposure is that if applied with any rigor at all it leads to three-hour conversations *every five seconds*. I end up not living my life at all because I'm spending so much time analyzing it.

The conjecture I have that I'd like to discuss is the idea that it's an inherent part of human communication that we each, nearly always, interpret things from within our own, individual, preferred context. If two or more people are trying to relate with each other, in order to do so we need to *create* a shared context, and interpret things *from that*. We can also learn to listen in each other's contexts, but this doesn't in my experience often create consensus; it at best creates a state of "Okay, now I *understand* why you're wrong!"