January 10th, 2016

Musings on Love

A friend posted "...Love - of yourself, of other/s - is ALWAYS ok!"

She's right, but I found myself irked by what I perceive as the excessive limitations on the statement. Love isn't just "OK", it's a vital necessity. Un-loved infants wither and die; un-loved people of agency suicide.

I've long used the concept that *all* love is self-love, and that I love other people by including them in my concept of self. I've believed this to be inaccurate for some time, but working from that concept is now deeply built into my internal processes. It helps avoid interest conflicts, because if I perceive you as me, your interests *are* my interests, and figuring out the importance of relative interests is reduced to a comparatively simple parallax problem.

This gets confusing to explain to other people, in that there's a common assumption that this will cause me to try to control or manipulate other people. I find *that* confusing, in that I'm deeply and viscerally aware of my lack of psychic powers -- damn but those would be convenient -- and so know that the only way I can know what your interests *are* is to talk with you about them. I do try to guess; creating pleasant surprises for people is a fantastic sport and I greatly enjoy engaging in it.

Having read most of Spider Robinsons's works as they were released, I'm in firm agreement with his thought that creating "psychic" bonds is a purpose of being human, and also that this is a very difficult skill to develop. Good *goal*, not pre-existing condition.

There was a lot more to that thought, but it's getting lost in the welter of preparing for the rest of the Jobs with Justice board retreat, which will be continuing today.